Saturday, August 30, 2008

Crying is Healing

Where does deep emotional pain come from?

While we were growing in the womb, we were pretty much protected from the changing world outside us, mostly all of our needs were taken care of and we were pretty comfortable. From the time of our birth onward, then we are assaulted with the realities of the world, of unconscious people and start to experience things which hurt us. As an infant we are having experiences and the way we perceive these then, is nearly all as feelings, as our cognitive level and mind has not yet been developed. These early experiences are then laid down as our first teachings and are felt at a deep level and form an imprint which becomes the base of our growing personality. Later we will develop the cognitive or intellectual aspects of our personality, which are laid down on top of the feeling imprint, from about age 4 on up to adulthood when we stop growing. The feeling imprint which was laid down as an infant will have an influence on the mental defensive strategies that are laid down later. All parts effect the others. Then there is the growing phase itself, which happens from conception up until the last wisdom teeth erupt, which covers the physical attributes of our body itself. When growing stops, then it is that the personality is fully formed. After the end of growing, then it is most often the case that personalities are enlarged, but this is another topic….

As we Grow Up we experience Pain

So it is that as we grow up and our personality develops, it will happen to all of us that we have experiences which felt hurtful to us, which can be intellectual pain, emotional pain or physical pain from bodily injury. When we have a hurtful experience, then our survival instinct kicks in and then what we do is try to find ‘a strategy’ to avoid being hurt again. We are by instinct ‘pain avoidant’, so we are not aware we are building a defensive strategy at the time we do it, it pretty much happens at a subconscious level. If our sense of intellect was hurt, then we might change our intellectual pattern, denying to think in the way that hurt us and changing it to something else. If we were hurt emotionally, then we might try to forget or deny those things which caused us pain, perhaps by burying memories or by choosing not to express one’s feelings in an open way again. If we were physically hurt, then we have a tendency to mentally protect that area of the body, by not allowing as much range of movement in it, or by favoring the opposite side. So you might remember limping on a sore foot to protect it, long after the injury was healed. So then as we grow up, we go through different phases of development and depending upon what is our individual perception of our experiences, we will each lay down a unique defense strategy for all aspects of our personality. While we are growing up, for most people we are not aware of the defense system we are building up, this is mostly subconscious and stays in the background level.

Defense systems protect, but eventually they will have to be rebuilt.

The negative side effect of this process, is that it ends up that we don’t let the energy move through our body for self-expression in totality for our physical, intellectual and emotional aspects. What we are doing is channeling or directing energy flows in the body artificially with our mind, emotions and body postures, for the now forgotten reason we needed before ‘to protect ourselves’. In effect, this creates dark spots or unused areas in our body, mind and feelings – where we don’t let energy flow or in converse we create overused areas, repeating things which seem safe to us in body, mind and feeling. If we don’t use an area, then it happens that energy stops flowing through it and this can be a spot where disease in he body starts. if we overuse an area, then it happens that this area ‘gets worn out’, it’s like creating a rut, and in both cases it happens that the energy flows in the body of the adult are no longer free, flowing and balanced in all aspects of oneself. Compare this to how one’s energy was flowing as an infant, totally open with no defense system in place. Over time as this goes on unchecked, imbalances in the body will amplify, eventually resulting in mental, emotional and/or physical health issues.

Breakdown of the Defense Systems of the Personality

The defensive system of the personality has it’s benefits, the first being that it can help a child living around unconscious adults survive, and the second being that it is an intermediate structure which is collecting energy as accumulated experiences and is a stepping stone to reach further steps in our awareness. When the defense system of the personality has grown so large and is using nearly all one’s free energy to defend oneself in various ways, then it is that one has arrived to the point where the armor of defense has become excessive and is now threatening and detrimental to one’s survival to continue to hang onto it. If there are too many restrictions of energy flow, then it will start to harm the organism itself, because there is not enough free energy left over to be used for maintaining a healthy system. This is actually a natural progression of the growth of personality over lifetimes, so individuals will reach this point of ‘excess’ at different ages depending upon their past experiences and all that has come before. At the point it is reached, then it will happen that energy which was used to build up this defensive structure will now start to release. As energy is released from the structure, it will open up more of those ‘blocked’ areas of the body which were prior being used to defend oneself. The newest layers of defense are taken down first, and it proceeds as it goes into older and deeper layers. The older the defense system, the deeper, the more strong it is and the less one is aware about it’s existence. When one reaches the point of ‘enough is enough’ and experiences more pain than pleasure with one’s personality, then this is a turning point where one will start to ‘give up’ and let it go. This can also be seen as the point of starting to dissolve the structure of personality and when ‘awareness’ or ‘spirituality’ begins.

Being unaware of thoughts & feelings (the defensive nature of personality) is what builds up stress

Another thing many of us are doing unconsciously is that we are not aware of our thoughts and feelings at a deep level, we can’t see within clearly and we are not sure what we think and what we are feeling, we are little aware of what is happening in our internal space. So it happens that one’s thinking goes on in autopilot mode, constant chattering in the background with mental arguments and with repeated trains of thoughts. This kind of ‘story telling’ has it’s affects and will generate emotional energy in the body according to the nature of the thoughts. This is how the motor nervous system works, the thinking channel is directly connected to the motor neuron system which connects nerve and muscles cells together allowing for us to be able to ‘voluntary move’ our body the way we choose to with thoughts. Emotion (different than instinctual feelings, because they are based on what we think) is an energy charge built up in the muscles to be used to express oneself in a particular way. If we are not aware of this process, then it happens that stress builds up in the muscles of the body because we are not monitoring our thoughts, then also it’s often the case we are not aware of how our body feels or what we feel either, and so it is that not being aware of ‘how we work’, it happens that emotional charges build up in the body, causing ‘stress’ or held tension.

How is stress released from the body?

The only way to remove the stress charge already built up in muscles is to stretch the muscles and to learn not to accumulate it in the first place. This unchecked stress is like an internal tension, creating an internal pressure, which can’t be contained forever. Just like a volcano that is filling with gas, the pressure is building and as it does this strong force is pushing against that which is containing the pressure (the walls of the volcano itself). From this continuous tension, a crack will eventually form and when it does the pressure inside will release and along with it, there is an explosion as the huge force is released. So stress is released ‘cataclysmically’ in an intense way when it is held at bay for too long. So one should be aware of the laws of nature, that eventually the container will wear out, and especially so when subject to extreme forces. In the case of humans the shell here is the ‘defensive system of the personality’, and so when a crack appears in this structure, it will happen that some of this pent up pressure will be released. The amount released depends upon how large of a hole in the defense system was ‘let go of’ and how much internal pressure was built up.

Periods of Prolonged Crying (Crying Jags) are huge Healing events

So it can sometimes happen when healing that a ton of bottled up thoughts and feelings will come rushing out, and into ‘conscious awareness’, which can be painful while going through it. The more crying, the more emotoinal pain and hurting you feel, then you can know the more pent up energy you are releasing. After big openings in one’s personal defensive armor, it is not uncommon that one can cry every day for up to 3 weeks straight. This is totally normal, this is healing, and should not be suppressed, crying is the vehicle the body and system uses to clear out and release old held emotional energy. So if you are going thorugh this, know it is healing and after it is done you will feel much better. Let the tears of crying wash away the pain of the past and allow you to reclaim your essential energy.


Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Poem: In a Clear Blue Sky

In a clear blue sky
mountains become visible
revealing our smallness.
Relating to encounters
one's walking makes the pathway.

Distant peaks invite
challenges urge us onward
goals set intention.
Boulder's block one's direction
frustration is sign to change.

Dark clouds obscure view
resistance to change causes pain
strength comes from center.
Withdrawn from circle of self
each time 'you' give, YOU will rise.


Why do Humans Resist Change?

For a real change to happen there must be a transformation of energy, from the old form to the new form. This process, of the old dying and of the new forming, is perceived by the one having the experience as a sensation of pain. This is because the transformation process itself is biological and the intense heat given off from the old tissue releasing the held energy and changing into the new tissue is truly painful. This is true on all levels of our physical existence including our thoughts, emotions and body (our own form) and also of the forms outside of us, such as organizations or structures, etc. It is painful to find out one might be wrong in one's thinking, it is painful to cry; it is painful to heal torn muscles or broken bones. But know that all pain is healing; pain is the symptom of transformation - of the old giving rise to the new.

We have pain sensors all over our body to protect us in case our life is physically threatened, so our innate tendency is to avoid the experience of pain. The problem comes in with our identification with our personality or self-image. We have the tendency to believe that the energy that keeps the personality together is a physical entity and thus we avoid anything, which might threaten its demise, because this kind of transformation also causes pain: mental, emotional and physical. So we avoid anything, which might be painful, because pain for us is a signal that we might be dying.

What we need to know is that the energy held in the personality (and in all forms) is mutable, it's not our permanent self (its not a permanent structure), and if we allow for the transformation of this energy we will not die (the things won't disappear). Allowing for transformation to take place means we are allowing ourselves to adapt to changes that are happening around us. With this attitude we are physically mutable and thus much more likely to survive, then if we resist change. If we resist changing ourselves when happenings indicate, then what we are doing is becoming more solid or holding our energy as being the personality in a kind of tension. This holding of energy to try to maintain static familiar shapes is that which restricts the flow of energy and causes pain and subsequently acquired disease, conflict, aging and illness to build up in our physical body. All structures become weaker the more they resist change. If we let go of what we are holding onto, then this pent up energy is released from the personality and back to our body causing a transformation of ourselves - now we feel the pain - as the old part of us dies and another part takes place in it's spot. Nothing is ever lost, a new form always supercedes the old, and the new is adapted to the existing changing conditions around us and is thus more likely to survive.

While transformation of one's personality is painful, it doesn't have to be EXPERIENCED that way. This is because we have the ability to be the observer of ‘personal’ transformational energies when they happen - from the observation platform one can observe the process but one doesn't feel pain because one is no longer identified with the old form. This is known as being the observer. It is being in this position as the observer, which then is that which allows the old form to transform into the new. After experiencing this kind of transformation then we become secure in the position of the observer - at the center -knowing that we can never truly lose ourselves or lose anything. Then we see that all is transformation, and to allow ourselves to change we survive, and then we allow change to happen whenever it’s needed.


Sunday, August 24, 2008

What does being Independent mean to you?

For me, Independent means 'independent from authorities'.

This is all about self-sovereignty, it's about becoming a master over one's own life, it's about learning to make decisions and live one's live according to one's truth. This is not to say when one is independent that one doesn't consult other people and get other people's feedback in regards to decisions that one makes. It is about becoming one with oneself and integrating all the skills one has of observation and questioning. It is like being spiritual and a scientist at the same time, one integrates the two parts of reality - what one can observe - the past or the happening and what one can intuit about it by questioning what one has observed and waiting or listening to receive an answer.

So for example, something 'new' and 'unknown' happens in your life, which requires that you make a decision on how to proceed. Because you've never encountered exactly these circumstances before, it is an unknown for you. To be able to proceed and make a good decision, which is in-line with your life and journey, then you make use of what is available to make your decision or conclusion. You observe the happening, you get information about it by doing research, questioning others, consulting experts, etc. Part of this is observing yourself, your reactions & your current life. Then after you've questioned all that you can about the happening, then you will need to make a decision on how to proceed. To do this next step, then you ask yourself, what rings true here, what is it in my heart that I really want to do here, what is the best possible scenario. Because you've never encountered this scenario before, then you can only make 'your best guess', the best decision possible; even it might turn out to be a mistake. But that is how we learn, and the more we rely on our what’s in our heart to make the final decision, then the more we will grow in self-sovereignty and self-reliance, knowing truly that we are in control of our own destiny, that nobody is forcing us to make our decision the way others might dictate.

To contrast this, it might help to know what being dependent means. It means that instead of making your own decision in regards to what to do, you just do what others tell you, or you do what is normal - what the majority is doing. People take this route, because they don't want to accept responsibility in case the decision they make ends in disaster or is a mistake. The benefit of this is that if a mistake happens, you can then give the fault to another person and feel like a victim: you told me to do this, or the doctor misdiagnosed my disease, or the lawyer made a mistake, etc. Then you can take it a step further and sue the people who 'did you wrong'. That's pretty much the society we have today, a bunch of sheep, not taking self-responsibility, going with the crowd, and then when bad things happen they find someone else to blame it on. What a game this is, and all because people are afraid to take ownership of their life and wield their abilities to observe, question and make decisions.


Thursday, August 21, 2008

What is Meditation & What are the Benefits?

Meditation is Great for Releasing Stress

I have a friend who has been meditating for 50 years, and he now calls meditation -> "Stress Release Exercise". So you see, the practice of meditation reduces and relieves stress, rather than builds it up. Meditation is basically the practice of resting your thinking, You can try it for free, and make your own decision if it helps or not. The best is you do it each day, twice a day, for around 30 minutes each time and do it for at least 3 weeks straight to be able to see a result. Then if you decide you get a benefit, then you can make it part of your daily life, just like you brush your teeth every day. It's much like that, a preventative mental, physical and emotional health routine which you do every day.

How to Do Meditation

To do it, find a quiet place free of distractions, then get comfortable and close your eyes, the most important is your body is relaxed, not so much that you try to keep a certain body posture like many recommend. Then just put your attention on FEELING your breath move in and out of your body, which can be anywhere along the path of the breath. Re, you can notice the feeling of air coming in and out of your nose or into your lungs, or into your diaphragm. The important thing is you just are feeling the breathing happen, you don't have to breath in any certain way. Breathing happens all by itself, you don't have to 'do breathing' or think about breathing, you have nothing to do here except FEEL your breath move in and out. As you practice this, you will notice that you lose contact with the attention you had on feeling your breathing, what has happened is the thinking has started up. Don't worry about the thoughts or what the content of them are, just make a mental note - I was thinking - then refocus on feeling the breathing. If you try to examine your thoughts, then it will trigger more thinking and before you know it you will be only thinking. So for meditation time, it's good to have a reminder: this is not the time that I need to think. I can think later if I need too... This interruption of thinking happening and losing contact with simple feeling of breath will repeat over and over, this is totally normal. As you proceed in meditation practice it will become easier to feel the breath, and become more aware of when thinking has become predominant.

Why does Meditation reduce Stress?

The reason this practice reduces stress is because stress is caused by thinking. It's like you think all these things - re: all you have to do, and you don't have time to do it, then there's a conflict, the muscles hold tension and you have stress. Thinking goes a lot faster then what you can physically do, so the more you think things should be different than what they are, which is most of the time with thoughts, then the more stress you build up. As you learn to become more aware of thinking and breathing from continued daily practice of meditation, as you get better at tuning into what happening inside you, you will start to learn more about your basic make-up, personality, awareness and body and how all of you works. This is known as 'self-knowledge', which will allow you to take steps in your awareness levels. Eventually you get better at accepting what is happening 'right now' and learning to respond to it as needed, versus spending so much time thinking you can do more than is truly possible. So you see, if you continue you will stop building up stress in the first place, you will be able to catch that over active thinking pattern when it happens and be able to 'set it aside' and simply breath - even during the day - thus you become more in control of everything that you experience.

It's a very important life skill to learn how to control the reactions of thinking and emotions and physical actions. All that a human can do, the first thing that always happens is thought, this precedes all else, so becoming aware of thinking is paramount to have true will power and focus and control of yourself. When one's thinking is overactive, usually certain thoughts are repeating or a certain nature, which create an emotional energy in the body according to the underlying nature or tone of the thoughts. Thinking is part of the nervous system and is what allows us to act, so just prior to a movement in body, energy is built up in the appropriate muscles as an electric charge to allow us that movement. So think, emotion, then act. When one is thinking, one is building emotional energy in the muscles, if one doesn't act upon that which is set up, then this is 'stress'. Basically charges are in the muscles, but it is not released through action. By learning to only think when needed - when one needs to take an action, then one becomes more energy efficient, not building up unnecessary energy in the body when it's not needed.


Monday, August 11, 2008

Is it true that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"?


"What doesn't kill you", refers to facing a challenge that is beyond your comfort zone. So to go through an experience which is hard and sometimes painful. The reason why is it is hard or painful is because you are being forced to change. Resistance to change is where your pain comes from. The more one resists adapting to changing circumstances, the more pain one experiences. Pain is actually the symptom of the heat of transformation, or adaptation, of something changing in your system, whether this is physical, emotional or intellectual, all are aspects of who you are and is represented by 'personality'. So pain is good, because it means you are healing, or changing some aspect of who you are. When you go through something hard like this, then after you are finished with it, you have let go of something old and now have something new. This is why it is good, because now you are more updated, refreshed and new in some way that you weren't before. You are better able to survive the more you allow the old ways or things to go, and adapt to what is new. The universe and world is constantly changing, every micro second, the more you learn to face what is here now and respond to it,, the more you also will become like the universe, spiritual, flowing and adaptive. That's our challenge, to learn how to welcome change and be one with it.


Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Hummingbird Tanka Poem


Your wings beat so fast
your drone tells me you're coming
opening my eyes.

Watching you I'm mesmerized
thanks to you - I am present.