For a real change to happen there must be a transformation of energy, from the old form to the new form. This process, of the old dying and of the new forming, is perceived by the one having the experience as a sensation of pain. This is because the transformation process itself is biological and the intense heat given off from the old tissue releasing the held energy and changing into the new tissue is truly painful. This is true on all levels of our physical existence including our thoughts, emotions and body (our own form) and also of the forms outside of us, such as organizations or structures, etc. It is painful to find out one might be wrong in one's thinking, it is painful to cry; it is painful to heal torn muscles or broken bones. But know that all pain is healing; pain is the symptom of transformation - of the old giving rise to the new.
We have pain sensors all over our body to protect us in case our life is physically threatened, so our innate tendency is to avoid the experience of pain. The problem comes in with our identification with our personality or self-image. We have the tendency to believe that the energy that keeps the personality together is a physical entity and thus we avoid anything, which might threaten its demise, because this kind of transformation also causes pain: mental, emotional and physical. So we avoid anything, which might be painful, because pain for us is a signal that we might be dying.
What we need to know is that the energy held in the personality (and in all forms) is mutable, it's not our permanent self (its not a permanent structure), and if we allow for the transformation of this energy we will not die (the things won't disappear). Allowing for transformation to take place means we are allowing ourselves to adapt to changes that are happening around us. With this attitude we are physically mutable and thus much more likely to survive, then if we resist change. If we resist changing ourselves when happenings indicate, then what we are doing is becoming more solid or holding our energy as being the personality in a kind of tension. This holding of energy to try to maintain static familiar shapes is that which restricts the flow of energy and causes pain and subsequently acquired disease, conflict, aging and illness to build up in our physical body. All structures become weaker the more they resist change. If we let go of what we are holding onto, then this pent up energy is released from the personality and back to our body causing a transformation of ourselves - now we feel the pain - as the old part of us dies and another part takes place in it's spot. Nothing is ever lost, a new form always supercedes the old, and the new is adapted to the existing changing conditions around us and is thus more likely to survive.
While transformation of one's personality is painful, it doesn't have to be EXPERIENCED that way. This is because we have the ability to be the observer of ‘personal’ transformational energies when they happen - from the observation platform one can observe the process but one doesn't feel pain because one is no longer identified with the old form. This is known as being the observer. It is being in this position as the observer, which then is that which allows the old form to transform into the new. After experiencing this kind of transformation then we become secure in the position of the observer - at the center -knowing that we can never truly lose ourselves or lose anything. Then we see that all is transformation, and to allow ourselves to change we survive, and then we allow change to happen whenever it’s needed.